we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
