My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
