Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
