If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
