So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
