hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
