So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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