You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
