Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize