kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drake has all the answers
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