Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
