so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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