3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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