Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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