I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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