Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
