i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
