You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
