Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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