Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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