my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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