Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
