I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
