I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
