Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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