OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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