I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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