I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
