Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
