He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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