so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
