you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
