shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
