I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
