If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
