Me too!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
