I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
smell my finger.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
