and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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