Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
