if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize