I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
