Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize