I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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