Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
