am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
