Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
