at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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