Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
