you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
