Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
