Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
