I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
