quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
