i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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