After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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