Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
