Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
