just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize