ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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