the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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