I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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