I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
