You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
