He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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