dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i barfeds in our rink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
