I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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