so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
