I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
