On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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