I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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