i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
