I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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